Shellshocked
by devirnis
Summary: Set during the fourth movie, just after Leo returns home. Oneshot from Raph's point of view. *Also old


**Shell-shocked**

_Inspired by the song "Shellshocked" by Chronic Future, and the fan-made video on YouTube by theadvermethod._

_Who in the shell does Leo think he is?_

Raph revved the engine of his motorbike, his temper finally boiling over. His older brother was back. Shouldn't he be happy? As much as he hated to admit it, he'd missed Leo. A lot. But he'd gotten over it, hadn't he? It had been a year since Leo was supposed to come home, and now he suddenly just decided to show up. And then what? He criticized him.

_I've been the head of this family since he ran away. And now he just shows up and expects me to just _obey

That wasn't going to happen. Leo had run away, and lies and orders weren't going to save him from that fact. Sure, he could win Donny and Mikey's trust back easily. Mikey was just a kid, he didn't know any better. And Donny? Well, Don didn't like that the family had split up.

_Do they think I enjoyed it? Do they think I had fun?_

Speeding off into the dark streets, Raph's equally sinister thoughts increased his anger. Once Leo had left, he'd been thrust into the role as head turtle. Suddenly, _he_ was the Fearless Leader. _He_ was the one with the responsibility. Well, he'd wanted that, hadn't he? Ever since he was a kid, he wanted to be top turtle. He'd gotten that spot when Leo was sent off. But it didn't feel right. Mikey and Don didn't completely trust him. He hadn't earned the position, he'd inherited it. It wasn't the same. It was like he didn't deserve to be the leader.

Rage and resentment had been brewing inside Raph for the entire time Leo had been gone. Splinter had forbidden them to fight unless they were a whole team. Yeah, well, Leo had screwed that over. Splinter didn't seem to care that thugs were starting to overrun the city. All Splinter was concerned with was tradition and family respect. What good did _tradition_ do New York City?

Thus, the Nightwatcher was born. Raph's vigilante persona, in a new, cloaked form. The Nightwatcher was made up of wrath and bitterness, aimed at the criminals. And at Leo. But the Nightwatcher had done a good job. He kept the lawbreakers in check, and gave the people something to spew about. So what if no one liked the Nightwatcher? Raph hadn't created the vigilante for people to worship.

_And now what? Leo just waltzes back and jumps back in control? I don't think so._

Raph doesn't obey orders; Raph doesn't respect his elder; Raph doesn't care that Leo's supposed to be the leader. Raph doesn't this and Raph doesn't that. Lately, that was all he heard: how he couldn't do anything right. He was too rebellious, too angry. What else was new? Splinter had told him this dozens of times, but coming from Leo, it seemed to stir Raph's rage.

Who was Leo, to say to him that he wasn't alright? Leo didn't know jack about what Raph's life was like. He didn't know what it was like to be put into power, and then not be trusted. He wasn't the one ripped apart inside because no one, not his brothers nor his sensei, had enough faith in him to let him lead.

"_Come on, Raph. Change your character." Like shell._

Leo wasn't anyone to tell him to change his attitude. The anger worked just fine for the Nightwatcher, and the people of NYC. But deep down inside, Raph knew Leo was right. He wasn't fine. Regardless, Leo didn't have any right to tell him that he needed a change. Sure, a change in character is great, and it was probably what he needed to hear.

_But he doesn't need to say it like … like _that_! Leo makes it sound like I'm a kid who needs to be punished. I don't need to hear it in that way!_

All Leo's lies about why he'd stayed in the jungle for an extra year weren't going to save him. Raph was still here, he wasn't going anywhere. Leo couldn't run around what he knew. Raph remembered everything that his brother had done. He'd abandoned the family, stayed in the rainforest, leaving his brothers to be torn apart.

"I didn't think it was time to come back."

"I wasn't ready."

Leo still wasn't ready. He never would be ready. He had failed, and now he would always fail. Raph didn't care that his actions were turning Leo away from him. He wanted his "leader" to know that he had failed, and Raph wasn't planning on forgiving. Not anytime soon, at least.

Leo was running away from what he knew would surely come. The gap that had been wedged between Raph and himself wasn't going away. It was far too late for that.


End file.
